Scent Stories: Si

My girlfriend once asked me to describe what I found most attractive about her. We had only ben dating for six months at the time and truth be told, I was at a loss for words. I wasn't sure how she would respond if I told her the truth. That I liked the way her naturally curly hair frazzled again as soon as she was done straightening it. Or whether I should admit to her that I loved the way she smelt after she showered and had a fag like she did every morning. The combination of shower gel, body cream and tobacco binding into an impossible to describe smell that turned my head this way and that. Or even that I loved her smile and her laugh; loved to see the way that her full lips parted to reveal the gap in her teeth where no doubt she had hidden my heart. I could not admit to her all those things, no matter how true. It had only been six months!! and I was not usuallly one to fall in love so fast. So instead I looked at her and said with what I imagined to be a cheeky boyish grin "Your arse." She was not amused. Her mood dropped from 100 to subzero and no matter how hard I pleaded, teased and joked, she was not having it. She curled up on a sofa with a book, pretending to be deeply engaged but I knew she was hurt. I was again at a loss for words, well not really.. but to reveal my true feelings would be to make myself vulnerable to her. A scary feeling that I was sure I never wanted to experience. Luckily I eventurlly won her back with charm and pleading and joking and teasing. That was another thing I loved about her; her headstrongness if that's even a word. It was sometimes all too easy to forget how stubborn she was and how she sometimes held on to things a little too long. Such was the sweetness of her that small flaws could easily be ignored.

It's been three and a half years since she asked me that question and with everyday that passes I wish she would ask me again, just so that I can admit to her my innermost feelings. Of course she knows I love her, no one in their right mind could doubt that. We're walking through a park now enjoying the cool autumn's breeze and sighting a good spot to sit down for a picnic. She looks beautiful as always and keep scolding me for putting my hands in my pockets instead of around her waist where they should be. If only she knew the weight of what I was struggling to conceal. We ate under the shade of a tree, its leaves starting to turn the colours of sunrises and sunsets. I turned to face her and look into her eyes, the moment felt right. I was completely ready to let the vulnerability in, to fall into her like the leaves gently floating down from the autumn trees. I told her I found her hair attractive and I loved her laugh and her scent drove me insane but most of all I told her that I was sure I wanted to spend the rest of my entire life with her. I asked her to be my wife, right there and then under the oak tree, sitting face to face. Me with the ring finally free from my pocket and her with her brown eyes turning a liquid gold with tears. Her answer was a simple whispered "Si". So soft I almost missed it.