Letter To My Boyfriend, Football Season

So I'm aware that this may count as 'famz' to some extent, but i honestly couldn't help myself! I read this blog post the other day on http://thetoolsman.wordpress.com/ titled "Letter To My Girlfriend About Football" and I just HAD to do a reply, here goes...

Darling,

I really appreciate you writing me this letter and getting all your feelings about the football season in the open. I just have a few concerns with this new ‘schedule’ of events. As you stated, we hardly speak during the week except the ‘hi’ and ‘bye’ & then a rushed dinner on Friday night so you can get to your boys night. Saturdays are spent mostly in traffic as we make our way to and from these events we get invited to as a couple, this usually ends in a moody me and a tired you. This is why I am deeply distraught that our Sundays, those glorious Sundays we spend in bed all day together, you reading FourFourTwo & me reading Martina Cole are now going to be taken over by more seemingly endless football banter. The last two months of peace and loads of GREAT sex would now boil down to FIFTEEN MINUTES of half time sex with your mind wandering whether Van Persie has managed to sustain yet another hamstring injury, or why Almunia our number one keeper has such butter fingers! (Notice my use of the word ‘our’? what’s yours is mine baby, even if it means being depressed for more than half the season ‘snuggles closer’). I can only pray to God Almighty that Arsenal win something this year as your mood whenever they don’t win the current match is nothing short of cold and even at times rude till Tuesday at least, Wednesday if a crucial player also happens to get injured. If I personally knew Theo Walcott I would spend days tutoring him on how to actually find the back of the net just to make you happy, I hope you know I would do anything for you sweetie pie, you mean the world to me.

As far as being a great hostess is concerned, in an effort not to embarrass you and myself, I would, in fact, buy the booze on Friday during our weekly shop, I will NOT however, spend hours in the kitchen pouring over some cookbook about how to make Southern Fried Chicken using buttermilk and cornflakes. I suggest you add to our list of grocery items some oven pizza and chips, I have no problem throwing this into the oven with all my usual TLC, I would even make little love hearts out of the ketchup to decorate your plate.

However on Sundays I suggest you familiarize yourself with the telephone numbers of various pizza, Chinese and Indian restaurants because, Sunday is now a Spa Day with my girlfriends where we will to no end bitch (for lack of a better word, don’t be offended by this boo, kiss kiss, it’s out of the deepest love I have for you) about our darling boyfriends and their football obsession. This day is mandatory! You know how much I appreciate every second we spend together but I just can’t have my girlfriends thinking you control me or I’m going to become a housewife who just cooks and cleans all day! I think this is best because you wouldn’t want me whining in your ear and distracting you from seeing the banger of a goal that Nicklas Bendtner just scored. We really need to sort out our TV to include rewind!

I hope you noticed my use of the names of Arsenal players, I’ve been on wiki all day studying so you wouldn’t be disappointed when I don’t understand what you’re talking about.. that’s just how much you mean to me. With the start of the Champions League I think we need a face-to-face discussion on who gets the TV at what time, surely you haven’t forgotten that Gossip Girl, 90210, Grey’s Anatomy, Vampire Diaries and all the other shows I watch start next month!!

*sigh* I’m so happy you wrote me the letter and I’ve now had a chance to reply you, I’m sure you would agree with everything, you have always been so understanding and caring. Thanks for being the best boyfriend ^_^

Your Sugar Puffs & Whipped Cream