My Adventures in London Town

So I randomly have those days where I literally want to blog till my mind is emptied. Sometimes I look at blogging as a way of out pouring everything from my otherwise completely saturated mind on to paper or rather screen, whatever you want to call it and I just yap yap yap away until im satisfied! I guess what im trying to say is get ready to read some of the things that go on in the inner crevices of my mind. Whoopty Doo!

So the other day, I was on my way to Upton Park to go and get my hair done at some Jamaican woman's’ shop. Had to get up super early, which is always a struggle and a half and enter the stupid rush hour that the City of London is so infamous for. It was during this trip that I had a revelation! Well I suppose it’s not really a revelation if I’ve pretty much always known but yea. I can NOT live and work in London! It is just ridiculous!

The amount of people that pack themselves on to the London Underground every single morning during rush hour is ridiculous! From the lowly interns, to the ones that look like they own their own business in London Bridge, EVERYONE becomes united in their daily commute. And did I mention the heat?? It is beyond atrocious! How am I supposed to get to work feeling fresh and alert, if just 10 minutes before, I was packed tighter than sardines in a little carriage full of other hot sweaty people? It’s almost repulsive even! I understand all the perks of the underground trust me, it’s faster, it’s convenient, you don’t need to sit in hours of traffic etc. But I had to ask myself, is it EVER that deep?

Sadly, the answer is no! Not for me anyways, I’m not sure I can give up the life I have envisioned for myself in naij, rolling around in a car in and things. Even in traffic sef I don’t mind, as long as there’s A.C. I’d buy plantain chips from those boys and listen to Weezy baby (Wizkid btw, not Wayne).  Meanwhile before someone pounces, yes I know that this sounds spoilt and brattish and assuming I lived in London, perhaps I too will join those commuters (as if!) but guess what? It’s my opinion, not yours J

Anyways, the salon! It is the funniest place I’ve been too in a long while! After arriving there at 9.10 am, the rollers of the shop were still down, yet there was already a woman waiting, she hustled to secure her spot as number 1, arriving at a spectacular 8.30 a.m. luckily for me, I’m second. Anyways people keep pouring in till the doors are opened at about 9.45. At 10.30, customer number 4 arrives. She’s some crazy woman with her jacked up weave. Her conversation is as follows

Enters Crazy Lady

Crazy Lady: Please oh! I have a flight to catch by 3 and I have soo mant things to do today, I really need to do my hair quickly so I can leave here on time

                                  ***all customers and hairdressers stop and stare***

1^st Hairdresser: Okay aunty, please sit down, you will be after these people (points to all those waiting)

Crazy Lady: But where is Hawa? She knows me, I am her customer.

Let it be known now that Hawa is one of those boisterous Jamaican women that you can’t rush, or even attempt to fight with.

Customer 1: Yes, I am her customer 2 and I have been here since 8.30 and there are still people before you, if you wanted to be first you would have been here since!

Crazy Lady: Hmn, all I know is I must leave here by 1

Laughter ensues all around, as a black female you should know that going to the salon is a whole day fiasco! Minimum of 4 hours, so be prepared! This woman had very little chance of leaving before 4 p.m.

2^nd Hairdresser: Ahh, Aunty that one is not possible oh. But let us try sha.

30 minutes later, they have just started doing my cornrows, bearing in mind that I am number 2. Meanwhile in these 30 minutes she complained incessantly to customers 1 and 3, customer 3 is busy consoling her while explaining that she cannot come and ‘chance’ anyone, while customer 1 is slowly getting the truth about this flight at 3 p.m. surely the woman should be headed to the airport by now not so? Meanwhile, I was busy playing Temple Run and slightly eavesdropping to pass away the time.

Crazy Lady: Please I hate sitting here doing nothing, I’m going to go and come back. You people should keep my place oh!

(gossiping and laughter at her foolish ways after she had left)

11.30 a.m. Hawa the main hairdresser finally arrives, she is told of the tale and says in her Jamo accent “Don maind dat crazy gyal, she been calling ma phone al marning. I get other tins to do ya know.”

Unfortunately I have no idea whether she ever came back or not as I carried on with my life and was out of the salon at 2 p.m. I really wonder if she ever fixed her hair AND made that flight. Oh well

Adios!