Christmas Day: 16 Year Old Boys and Kite High Girls

Hey beautiful people! A belated merry Christmas to you all!

Christmas day is definitely always one of my favourite days in the whole Christmas period, filled with family, friends, spiced meats and too much champagne! It’s definitely a day for jollification! This Christmas day was no different, the party was hosted at my cousins’ house in Lagos, and I saw family members that I haven’t seen in years and years! It’s so weird; the clan has like tripled since we last got together! People I didn’t even remember getting married were married with 2 kids! (Trust me, in a family as big as mine, it’s difficult to keep track of who is married and who is isn’t!) It was super cute meeting all my baby nieces and nephews; babies are so adorable! I love how they are so easily entertained by just about anything you put in front of them! There was even games and karaoke and the mandatory dancing that comes with celebrations. You should see my granddad breaking it down on the dance floor, it really is quite amusing.

This Christmas day was a bit weirder than some other ones I’ve experienced in the past though, I wasn’t quite sure what to make out of this 16 year old boy trying to convince me that he was 18 so that meant I was only a year older than him and therefore we should be together.. Firstly, no, I’m not 19. And secondly, I’m pretty sure he tried to feel my boobs with his head when he came for a bye-bye hug. That was strange; I was like “Hellooo, tiny person. This is very inappropriate!” But hey, it was Christmas day! If him resting his head on my bosom for half a second would have made his day any more special then well… no actually, I take that back. It was still weird!

But even weirder was my encounter with this girl! Okay so I must point out now that I don’t think ive ever seen anyone high, well except my dad's driver but he doesn't count! (May his soul rest in peace) I mean it’s not like I’m some goody two shoes that’s never been around weed but I just don’t think I’ve ever noticed it! Anyways, in comes this girl, extremely scantily clad. (May I point out now that she’s not part of the family) I think she missed the memo that it was a family affair not the strip club. I usually feel bad when I judge people but her outfit was scandalous. Some tiny shorts barely covering her barely-there bum, you know the kind that rises towards the outside to form like a V shape? And some velvety slinky low cut tank top. I will not lie, she did look good, it was just inappropriate! Anyways, I digress. After hours of watching her in amusement and giggling every time someone passed a comment about her choice of attire I had my first encounter with her in my cousins room. Here goes the conversation:

Me: Hey, have you seen Skinny Minnie? (that’s not her actual name)

Inappropriate Girl: No, she was here like twenty minutes ago.

Me (Upon noticing her eyes looking extremely bloodshot against her very yellow skin): Oh my gosh, what’s wrong? Are you okay?  **genuine concern here!*

I.G: Yea I’m fine, I haven’t seen your cousin though.

At this short response, I back out of the room and continue my search. Eventually I find Skinny Minnie and inform her of the earlier occurrence to which she replies nonchalantly. “Oh she’s high, they’ve all been going outside to get high. It's weird.”

Let it be known that “they” were not part of le familia, but still, I found it quite interesting that people were so bold as to get high in front of their parents friends… I really wish I could grow some balls and live recklessly! My stories pale in comparison to theirs! But at least now when i see someone with bloodshot eyes and no visible tears I wouldn't waste my genuine love and care on them. Especially not in this city where the ibo they smoke is fifty times more potent than in the U.K.! Nevertheless, I will not be trying any of the above! I hope the I.G. had a blast! YOLO and things! If not on Christmas Day then when? Haha.

Merry Belated Christmas again to you my lovely readers!

Glad tidings,

Morenike

P.S: Happy Birthday Skinny Minnie! I know you hate being called skinny but the nickname seemed so befitting! I love you lots and lots and lots! Hope you have an amazing day!

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Geordie Shore: The Complexities of Charlotte and Gaz

Please note that this post may contain some spoilers, nothing major though. You should still read it :)

Geordie Shore! Geordie Shore! Geordie Shore!!!!!

This show is absolutely amazing! Literally the trashiest, filthiest show I’ve ever seen but I love it! I don’t know how to describe it to you guys that haven’t been privileged enough to watch it. Everyone needs to give it a chance! The season I watched, (season 3 I believe) has the members of the shore hchlling in party central Cancun. Basically they go out every night and get wasted or “mauled” or was it “moored” I have no idea.  The guys all want to smash some ‘worldies’ i.e. girls not from the U.K. and the girls just want to have fun!

It all started one fine Autumn day, I’m chilling at a friends house, dreading the onset of university for the fourth year running so she says to me ‘Hey, let’s watch Geordie Shore, you’d love it.” And I, having previously watched the founder of new trashy TV, Jersey Shore and finding it quite mediocre wasn’t really having it. But she’s a selfless friend and so she put it on anyways. There I was, happily playing on my laptop, listening to new music doing my blog rounds etc when my ears were greeted with the sound of a thick Geordie accent saying “I sh*t myself last night, I’m going to put my knickers in the food bin because really, poo is just food that comes out your bum.” SHOCK HORROR and then fits of laughter were what followed as I gawked at the screen in disbelief! I could not believe someone just said that. From that moment I was dead and gone for the entire cast of the show!

I can imagine that a lot of you are now questioning my sense of humor and thought process but I can assure you, you need to watch it! Anyways, this post isn’t really a tribute to Geordie Shore, after al they are not paying me, but in the episode I watched today I really got to thinking about some stuff. Charlotte and Gary are my favourite couple on the show, I hate to love them but I do. Charlotte is your typical girl with a wild streak, she goes out, gets “mauled” comes home, throws up everywhere, sh*ts her pants etc. and she also has the filthiest mouth on the show. Not in a swear words type way but in the sense that she says things like “She’s fallen for him like a shit in the toilet bowl, skid marks and all.” moment of silence as you all come to terms with what you just read. but on the inside she’s also really sweet. Gary is also your typical lad, all the other boys want to be as cool as Gaz and have threesomes and pull two girls at a time. Charlotte is basically crazy in love with Gary and he knows it, they slept with each other a couple times but stopped because it was ruining their friendship. He definitely cares for her too. You can see it in the way he reacts when she’s upset or when they aren’t ‘kicking off’ a.k.a. fighting. The problem is, Gary just cant stop pulling other girls. Once there’s alcohol and scantily clad ‘worldies’ waiting to be blessed by him he just cant help himself. Charlotte always lets on like she doesn’t care if he pulls other girls seeing as they aren’t together as long as it’s not in front of her but then gets stupidly upset when anything happens or if Gary brings a girl home. THIS IS THE PROBLEM WITH GIRLS!

If you don’t like something then say it, if you’re in love with him and you know you can’t handle seeing him making out with other girls in front of you then say it. I literally can’t wrap my head around the way some girls try to be ‘like guys’ and act like they don’t care and nothing can affect them and then when the guy is being a guy you cry and bitch and moan about it. If you know you can’t handle yourself like a lady it’s always best to extract yourself from the situation. Now I know it’s never that easy and love is blind and what not but girls need to learn to control their own and take what they think they deserve. It’s so important for a girl to know her worth. For example, begging a guy to sleep with you and then trying to toss him off when he’s sleeping after he’s said NO is highly unacceptable! I’m not saying you should treat your box like a prize (which you should) but at least have some decency and RESPECT YOURSELF! Because pussy is power! Lol.

On the other hand, are some boys just hard wired not to be monogamous in any sense of the word? You know you like the girl but you just can’t commit but you just can’t imagine a world without her. It’s unfair for guys to expect a girl to act like his girlfriend when they’re unwilling to put in the work, yet some girls do it too freely. This is one of the only reasons I respect and still like Gary even though I think he’s a complete asshole. He had the decency to cut himself off from Charlotte physically. What do you think? If you were in Charlotte’s shoes would you continue pretending like you can be his friend? And can some boys just not accept the thought of having one girl? And if you were Gary, remembering that you genuinely care for Charlotte, would you try and give up all the other girls? Or is it a case of YOLO living?

Her Best Friends Guy

Happy new month everybody! Here's to praying that August brings you all the success and joy that you want for yourselves in life! Stay strong! Not to take away from the Staying Single series currently going on, but I still have to blog about 'normal' things sometimes!

Anyways, as some of you may know by now, I like to rant and recent conversation with friends begs that I with my infinite wisdom (self washing, le worst!) try and answer the question. “Is it ever okay to date your friends ex?” Unfortunately this question has so many variables that even as a seasoned engineer (another bout of self washing, forgive me, the sun is out or at least it was when I was writing this!) my head spins as I think about it. Let us now postulate that:

1. This question is specifically but not entirely directed to girls, our male counterparts have all sorts of other rules in their universe that I will not try and understand.

2. The friend is question is not an acquaintance; she’s not one of the girls you call when you want to go out. She’s one that you call when you’re feeling low.

3. Her and her ex dated ‘seriously and exclusively’ for 14 months.

4. They’ve been broken up for about 4 months now.

Okay, I think I’ve got it all covered now. You see, many variables.

Now as much as I am always pro Sparta and someday seek to be their Queen. (A Spartan is a woman who knows what she wants and goes for it), I think that there is a point where things can be taken too far and issues like this can cause irrevocable damage to a friendship.

Some people say that sometimes things just happen, you didn’t mean to fall in love with him. BULLSHIT! You know who he is, and you know all the ins and outs of his relationship with your friend, this was no mistake. You wanted him and now you have him, don’t try and hide behind silly stories of a flame lit in a period of darkness. You should have considered your friends feelings before you were having midnight conversations with him. Other times girls just have to be careful and know who their true friends are. Unfortunately not everyone out there that you consider a friend actually has your back in this life. Some people have bad belle for you and have always wanted your man, especially if they can see he’s a keeper.

I was going to say that the only time it is acceptable to date your friends ex is when she says so but even this is only half true. Sometimes girls like to try and prove to their friends that they have moved on, especially if the guy did her dirty. As her friend you should know if she’s lying to you or not, she might say it’s okay but if every time his name comes up she gets a glassy look in her eye you should know that it’s not okay.

Sadly, it seems I have failed you; I don’t have an answer to this question :(

All I can say is, if you’re the girl that wants her friends ex then make sure that you’re sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is worth it. And if you’re the girl that’s feeling betrayed by her ex and former best friend then all I have to say is don’t worry they would break up soon! The sun would come out tomorrow and you would be fine.

Use the comment box people, share your thoughts on the matter, help me answer this age old (?) question!

For The Love of a Good Guy

As a girl I sometimes have to wonder if some life experiences leave us so scarred that we might be missing out on a potentially good thing because of past experiences. I’m pretty sure every one has been hurt, cheated on or lied to by someone they care about before but that’s not what I’m talking about, not in particular anyways. Take for instance my friend, let’s call her CDK, 21 year-old beauty, smart, good body! She never takes any guy she meets in a club seriously because of some stuff that went down a while back. I'm not saying that most of these guys are meant to be taken seriously but occasionally there might be a diamond in the rough!

So a couple of nights in a week we decide to head out to the clubs, get a little wasted and just generally have a good time. Cute guy comes up to her, let’s call him Jay, and they start talking (my role in the club is solely as wing girl to bail her out if she needs it, you should know that I’m in a committed relationship). So anyways, she and the guy get to dancing and chatting, I go and find some other friends to attach myself too while I wait for any signs from her to tell me she’s good or requires bailing out. Turns out he’s not a creep and they keep at it the whole night, at the end of it all they exchange numbers. CDK comes home all giddy because they’re meant to be meeting up sometime in the week to go to the movies/drinks/dinner.

The week comes and they’ve been chatting, he’s really spitting his A-game (yes, I have read at least 60% of all their conversation) so they day for the movies finally arrives and what do you know, home boy is sort of busy, he promises to make it up to CDK if she comes over to his later that evening, say 10 p.m. she declines and says she’d rather reschedule. Being the sweet/perfect guy that he is he agrees. Needless to say, the time for the next date comes around and he has another reason not to meet up but for her to come over (Coursework, Athletics club, his fish died etc.) Anyways, this goes on for a couple of weeks till my poor naïve girlfriend realises that this boy only has one agenda. My question to you guys right now? Why try so hard! Surely there are a good number of other girls out there just waiting to arrive at your doorstep when you call them. That illusion of ‘the chase’ that guys like so much, why does it never wear off? This boy Jay kept trying all sorts of tricks and scandalous lines just to get CDK to come over to his unaccompanied for months on end! (We girlies have to stick together when entering the lions’ den).

Boys need to realise that not all girls are the same, especially as you’re not trying to take her out once or twice to show her a good time! That’s entirely different, you can woo her with the charm I suppose. But when you’re trying to make a girl you just met your “chill at home chick” then I’m a bit lost. The same way I blame Eve every month when her curses are manifested in my life is the same way I blame the sleazy girls of my generation. I’m not saying don’t have a good time; in fact have a great time! But you could at least try and front for like I don’t know, 2 hours before serving yourself on a silver platter. Also can I just point out that there’s a MASSIVE difference between the girl that sleeps around like a dude no strings attached (All hail Sex and the City’s Samantha Jones) and those that try and sleep around but always end up getting attached (Hi Carrie!). be true to yourself, if you’re a Carrie don’t try and act like Samantha, you end up getting hurt and also make guys think that all girls have a Samantha in them, there’s nothing wrong with being a Carrie!

Guys, if you’ve been trying to get a girl to be your chill at home chick and she’s never been on it and still not on it after 3 months then please respect yourself and fall back. You just end up looking overly thirsty to the girl and let’s not forget all of her posse that she has been telling about every single stage of your ‘relationship’. Girls, as far as I am concerned there is no reason to feel pressured into going to a boy’s house when it’s dark outside! As a child of the light, stay strong and keep saying no or ignoring those phone calls because once you get to his crib, some guys have the power to talk your panties off and make you think it was all your idea!